I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
