A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
