Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
