How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
