i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
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Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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