Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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