trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
