I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
