you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
