dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
