We're like a lot better than the average bears
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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