mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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