This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
