Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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