I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
