Jerry, you need to find god
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
