You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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