god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
