Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Barsexuality is the new black.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
