Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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