So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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