im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
