sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
