Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
