it hurts more in the daytime
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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