So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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