hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize