She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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