Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
