This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
