I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
