On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
