Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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