I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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