I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
