I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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