Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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