You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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