please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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