New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
