My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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