so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All I want is dick and wine.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
