so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
