Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize