The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
