Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sorry about my life...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I love you. Go after that dick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
