is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
