beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
