ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
