so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
