hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
