my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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