Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
