See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
