Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize