Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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