people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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